A Promise in a Thought 103

Chapter 103

After Lin Chuwan was taken home, she still had to recuperate because of her injured hand and leg.

She would stay in her room for a long time during the day, quietly leaning against the headboard and looking out at the sky. When she was tired, she would close her eyes and take a nap. Or she would chat with Mother Lin, who would come in to see her. When her mother left, she would fall back into this boundless silence.

Song Muqing came to see her, spoke to her in a calm tone, and even applied medicine to the scar on her forehead where the stitches had been removed, but she did not respond, as if Song Muqing were a wisp of air.

It wasn’t until her body had basically recovered that it was the twenty-fifth of the twelfth lunar month, and in a few more days, it would be New Year’s Eve.

In the afternoon, Song Muqing knocked on Lin Chuwan’s door. After waiting for a few seconds, she opened the door and came in. She was already used to her lack of response.

At this time, Lin Chuwan had just woken up from her nap. Seeing her come in and get up, she quickly hurried over to help her up and put a pillow behind her.

Just as she had finished these actions, Lin Chuwan struggled a little, not letting her touch her, and even pulled the blanket up a little.

Song Muqing had originally wanted to sit on the edge of the bed, but after a moment of hesitation, she pulled up a chair and sat by the bed, saying to Lin Chuwan, “On the third day of the new year, I want to take you and your auntie out for a walk. Your body has just recovered, so don’t go too far for now. Is there anywhere in the province you’d like to go?”

Lin Chuwan’s face was as usual, but her heart was already in turmoil. This was the way of getting along that she had once longed for. Even if they couldn’t be together, at least they wouldn’t be at odds with each other. But she was tired now. She didn’t want to be under pressure, and then wait for Song Muqing to turn on her.

Seeing that she was unwilling to talk to her, Song Muqing did not insist on a response. After a while, she said softly, “Then I’ll discuss it with your auntie and see what she thinks, and then you can decide.”

Speaking of this, Lin Chuwan thought that the topic was probably over, and Song Muqing had also stood up, but she did not turn to leave for a long time.

“I’m sorry,” Song Muqing said, looking at her, her eyes filled with a deep sorrow. “I know you won’t pay attention to me no matter what I say now, but I still want to say these words to you. After I’ve said them, I will keep my distance from you.”

Lin Chuwan finally looked up to meet her gaze. What did she mean by keeping her distance?

Song Muqing smiled, but there was no smile in her eyes, only a deep loneliness. “I have indeed hated you all these years. I hate that you chose someone else when you were faced with a choice, even if that person was your brother. I hate that you gave up on me. You clearly liked me, but you had to give me up and lie to me. I also hate that you gave me hope and then took it away. You knew very well that I had struggled for so long to believe in you, but you crushed my hope with your own hands.”

She paused, bit her lip, and a watery sheen appeared in her eyes, but she still looked at Lin Chuwan without averting her gaze.

Lin Chuwan looked away, a wave of bitterness spreading in her heart.

Song Muqing sniffled and continued, “I told you that there would be no end between us. The pain I’ve suffered, you have to suffer too. I don’t deny it. I really wanted you to hurt. That time I choked you, I even wanted to end it like that, and then die with you.”

Lin Chuwan was surprised by her last words. She raised her hand to cover her mouth and nose, and the next second, tears fell.

“But…” Song Muqing’s eyes were red, and her voice began to grow hoarse. “I couldn’t bear to see you hurt. From that time I almost lost control and choked you, I actually never thought of making you pay me back. Xiao Wan, I didn’t know you would really give it back to me…”

Lin Chuwan’s hands were gripping the bedsheets under the covers. No matter how much she endured, she couldn’t stop her stinging eyes. The day she had fallen, she could have struggled. Perhaps she would still have been injured, but she could have tried her best to grab the railing. But she hadn’t, because she had thought of Song Muqing wanting her to hurt.

She bit her lip for a long while, looked at Song Muqing, and finally said in a hoarse voice, “You also had a choice back then.”

“I had no choice,” Song Muqing said softly, her tears flowing. “I could have not agreed to your request. I could have drawn a line with you, but the ending would have just been our separation. I couldn’t bear to be separated… so I agreed to you, so that you would owe me for a lifetime.”

When she heard these words, Lin Chuwan’s tears flowed even more fiercely. She subconsciously wanted to reach out, but her hand stopped halfway, and she slowly withdrew it.

Then, she said something that shocked Lin Chuwan even more, “Your brother knew about my feelings for you. He was a very good person. On the first day I went to accompany him for his check-up, he told me that he could see our relationship. He guessed why I had gone to accompany him. He told me not to blame you and talked to me a lot about your childhood. At that time, everyone thought I was his fiancée, including you, but in reality, behind closed doors, he was begging me not to blame you.”

“Brother… he…” Lin Chuwan’s heart ached so much she couldn’t speak, her heart and eyes filled with the same wetness.

Song Muqing closed her eyes and tilted her head up slightly. After holding back some of her tears, she gazed at Lin Chuwan again. “You must remember that he was with me a lot before he left. But you don’t know that we talked about you the most. He was unwilling for us to be separated because of him, so he used a reason to keep me in the Lin family.”

Lin Chuwan didn’t need to think any further to picture the scene from that year in her mind. So the reason her brother had asked Song Muqing to take care of her and her mother was not because he saw her as a girlfriend, a fiancée, but because he had used the last of his strength to salvage her relationship with Song Muqing.

“It was to let me stay and take care of you and your auntie,” Song Muqing said, and at this point, she no longer hid her emotions, her eyes filled with grief and gentleness. “And I have been hating you all this time. Every time I think of you giving up on me, I can’t forgive you.”

Lin Chuwan could no longer hold back the silence and distance she had maintained in front of Song Muqing these past few days. She cried so hard her shoulders trembled, and tears streamed down her face.

Song Muqing’s heart ached so much she couldn’t stand still. She took a step closer, bent down, and was stunned for a long time. Finally, she wiped away a tear from the corner of Lin Chuwan’s eye with the pad of her finger and said in a low voice, “Let’s end it here. I don’t hate you anymore. In the future… I will still take good care of you and your auntie.”

Her lips trembled. She reluctantly withdrew the finger that was stained with Lin Chuwan’s tears, lowered her eyes slightly, and then straightened up and turned to leave.

Just as she opened the door, Lin Chuwan couldn’t help but say with a trembling voice, “I’ve always regretted it… I regret why I didn’t tell you my thoughts earlier, so that it wouldn’t have come to the time when my brother had his accident… at that time, he liked you, and he didn’t have much time left. But later, after you were with my brother, I would think, would he know that you didn’t like him, would he always be sad, and you…”

Song Muqing stood with her back to her, listening quietly, her hand gripping the doorknob tightly, imagining the person behind her, her face streaked with tears, full of guilt. But with things having come to this, could they still go back?

Song Muqing gritted her teeth, her hand on the doorknob pulling harder. But just then, there was a movement behind her. Lin Chuwan threw off the blanket and got out of bed. She was crying, flustered, and with every step, she said “I’m sorry” to Song Muqing.

Her stumbling steps were getting closer and closer to Song Muqing, and every step was destroying the decision she had just made.

Just as Lin Chuwan’s teary eyes made it impossible for her to see the road, and she fell to the ground with a muffled groan, the step Song Muqing had already taken was finally withdrawn. All her reluctance and affection filled her heart.

Song Muqing quickly turned and ran back to help Lin Chuwan up. Lin Chuwan grabbed her clothes and kept saying “I’m sorry,” and then her arms reached out to hug her waist.

Song Muqing’s gaze gradually softened. She put aside all her reservations and held her tightly, murmuring in her ear, “It’s over. It’s all over. It should have been over long ago…”

This was the first time they had held each other in so long. Song Muqing had never thought that there would be such a day. She had hated Lin Chuwan for a long time. As much as she had trusted her back then, as much as she had wanted to overcome her own psychology to get close to her, after the Lin Youfan incident, she had hated her that much.

She hated that the person she had liked so much had abandoned her just like her parents and relatives. But in the end, she still couldn’t bear to leave her. Using the identity Lin Youfan had given her to stay in the Lin family, to stay by her side, she had never hesitated.

The late winter was still cold, but the sunlight today seemed to be able to melt all the coldness, exceptionally warm.

Before the Spring Festival, Bo Muyu applied for annual leave. The Spring Festival holiday, combined with her annual leave, she planned to go out for a walk by herself to relax.

On the twenty-ninth of the twelfth lunar month, just like last year, her colleagues couldn’t hold back their excitement and slipped away as soon as it was time to get off work.

Su Man came down to get off work with Bo Muyu, but today, they did not go directly to the parking lot to drive home separately. Su Man suggested going for a walk, and Bo Muyu readily agreed. The two of them left Hongsheng and walked on the deserted street.

The shops on the street were already closed, making it seem empty and quiet. Only a small car was parked on the side of the road.

Su Man had her hands in her coat pockets and asked with a smile, “The seven-day Spring Festival holiday, plus five days of annual leave, more than ten days. Where are you planning to go?”

A faint smile appeared on Bo Muyu’s lips. “I’ve already booked a flight. I’m going to another province for a walk. I want to go to a film studio.”

“A film studio?” Su Man let out a laugh. “You haven’t had enough of the crew?”

Bo Muyu shook her head. “There are some film studios I haven’t been to. I heard the local scenery is not bad.”

Su Man nodded and suddenly asked, “Do you want me to go with you?”

Bo Muyu stopped in her tracks and looked at her in silence.

Su Man realized that Bo Muyu might have misunderstood and quickly stopped to explain, “I don’t mean anything else. I just see that you seem to be in a bad mood lately. If you go alone, you’ll still be bottling things up. It’s good to have a companion.”

Bo Muyu burst out laughing. “Senior doesn’t have to explain. I don’t disbelieve you. I was just considering your proposal. But now that I think about it, I’d rather go alone. I’m afraid my mood will affect you.”

Su Man was quiet for a long while after hearing this. Her gut feeling these past few days was indeed right. Bo Muyu was in a bad mood, and it had been going on for a long time. She didn’t know what on earth could make this girl, who had been insensitive and direct before, so reserved now. She thought of the decision she had made at that time, the thought of sweeping away the dust from this girl’s brow, but in the end, it could not be fulfilled.

She sighed softly. “If you need me for anything, just tell me directly.”

“Okay, I know,” Bo Muyu said with a smile on her lips, looking at her concerned eyes. “We will always be friends. That won’t change.”

Su Man was taken aback for a moment, her heart both sour and comforted. After a long while, she finally smiled. “Your mouth is so sweet. Are you coaxing me now?”

“Not at all. I’m telling the truth,” Bo Muyu said, still smiling. She looked up at the snowy sky and said to Su Man, “Senior, you should go back and get your car. I’ll walk a little more by myself, and then I’ll go home.”

Su Man knew that she wanted to walk alone, so she nodded and smiled. “Go on. Remember to bring me back a gift when you come back from your break.”

“Then I’m leaving,” Bo Muyu said, giving Su Man a deep look and continuing to stroll down the road.

The snowflakes falling from the sky landed on Su Man’s clothes. She watched Bo Muyu’s retreating back for a long time, then held out her hand and looked at her palm, clenching it into a fist, and then stuffed it back into her pocket.

The small car that had been parked on the side of the road slowly drove up to her and stopped.

“Hey,” Lan Yuxin poked her head out of the car window, flicking her chocolate-brown curly hair.

Seeing her, Su Man frowned and said placidly, “What are you doing here?”

Lan Yuxin smiled meaningfully. “I was asked by someone to see a person. I just happened to see you… hmm… in a bad mood?”

Su Man did not answer, only her brow furrowed even tighter, her gaze even more placid.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m not trying to pry into your private life,” Lan Yuxin quickly cleared herself. Seeing that Su Man had finally relaxed, she cleared her throat and suggested, “Want to get in? I’ll take you out for a spin, to relax.”

Su Man couldn’t help but laugh. “Where is there a place open for you to play now?”

“You’re such an old cadre, aren’t you?” Lan Yuxin beckoned. “Hurry up. Aren’t you still trying to poach me? It just so happens that I don’t have a date. Get in.”

Su Man hesitated, not moving, and sized up Lan Yuxin’s dangerously charming face.

“Hurry up and get in!” Lan Yuxin couldn’t help but go crazy. “Do you have to be so on guard against me? You know I’m close to Teacher Jiang, right? Her character is famous for being good, right? I can’t be that bad, can I!”

Su Man pressed her lips together in embarrassment, and after a moment of consideration, she opened the back door and got in.

As she was fastening her seatbelt, Lan Yuxin raised an eyebrow with a smug look, recalling the scene she had just seen, of Su Man gazing at Bo Muyu’s retreating figure in a daze.