“This major course is pretty important. You’ll have it again in your sophomore year, and it’s worth four credits.”
“So… you need to pay attention in class, don’t zone out… try… try to remember the teacher’s instructions, especially the notes she leaves behind.”
Chen Nannan explained patiently. She was working hard to suppress the tingling sensation coming from her waist, doing her best to stay calm.
Shen An listened patiently as well, though he couldn’t help being a little curious. “Senior Sister, why is your voice shaking a bit?”
Chen Nannan: ……
She shot him a sideways glare, her eyes brimming with chilling menace.
Why was it shaking?
Didn’t he have any idea?
Shen An quickly backed down. He lowered his head humbly and said, “Please go on, Senior Sister.”
Chen Nannan gritted her teeth inwardly. That helpless sense of defeat was bubbling up inside her, while the tingling at her waist wandered restlessly.
She held back again and again, but Shen An was insatiable. His hand slid along her waist, slowly inching toward a certain unspeakable place.
Chen Nannan couldn’t take it anymore. She straightened her back abruptly. Along with the tingling came a mix of soreness and itchiness.
She immediately caught on to his intentions and twisted away, pinning down his brazen hand and holding it firmly in place.
“Uh… Senior Sister…”
Shen An tried to squirm and make excuses, but under her expressionless stare, he changed tack. “Teacher Pei should be getting off work soon, right? Why don’t we head over there?”
Hmph.
Chen Nannan irritably shook off his hand. She smoothed her silky long hair and pouted. “No need. Teacher Pei never asked to see me in the first place.”
It seemed the lingering effects had mostly faded, and the shy reserve in her heart had dulled along with it.
Chen Nannan realized she needed to have a proper talk with him.
It wasn’t that she rejected his sneaky little advances entirely. It was just…
They’d only kissed last night, and today he already wanted to… to…
Chen Nannan couldn’t accept this pace. It was moving way too fast.
She was genuinely afraid that if she gave him any more leeway, he’d drag her to a hotel by tomorrow.
Her fingertips twirled around a strand of her long hair. As her words trailed off, she felt a twinge of guilt.
After all, she had lied to him.
Shen An arched an eyebrow slightly. He didn’t seem too bothered and chuckled lightly. “Then why did you tell me earlier that you were going to the Academic Affairs Office, Senior Sister?”
“I…” Chen Nannan wasn’t very good at lying.
Even a small fib made her feel a pang of guilt, and because of its weight, that guilt came with a thread of unease.
It was a complicated feeling.
Originally, she had wanted to spend time with him. She enjoyed being around him because it made her feel relaxed.
There was no doubt about her fondness for him.
That fondness, fermented by last night, was on the verge of turning into something more—like.
But Shen An’s aggressive “advances” had unwittingly triggered a wariness and resistance deep in her heart.
She could tolerate some of his sneaky touches, but not this soon.
She preferred a slow, steady burn.
But how could she say any of that to him?
Bluntly?
Wouldn’t that hurt his feelings?
That was the delicate dance between hearts.
I have my thoughts, you have yours, but I can’t voice mine outright because I care about yours. I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.
Yet I can’t keep yielding to your thoughts unconditionally—that would be selling myself short.
Between selfishness and affection, people always waver.
Shen An reached up and ruffled her hair, his voice soft. “I guess Senior Sister doesn’t actually mind seeing me, right?”
His tentative question instantly touched the soft spot in Chen Nannan’s heart.
She shook her head repeatedly, without hesitation. “Of course not. Don’t think that.”
“Then why did you say it like that, Senior Sister?”
Shen An gazed at her with pleading eyes.
“I…” Chen Nannan hesitated, her voice small. “I don’t know how to put it…”
“Mmm.” Shen An’s lips curved slightly as he spoke gently. “As long as Senior Sister doesn’t hate me, I can accept any other reason.”
“I know some things are hard to say, but I prefer the honest truth—even if it’s tough to hear.”
“So go ahead, Senior Sister. Don’t worry about me.”
He took her small hand in his, his gaze full of sincerity. “No matter what kind of relationship it is, the most important thing is communication, right?”
“You…”
Chen Nannan felt a quiet sigh of relief in her heart. She looked at him earnestly. “You really mean that?”
“Mmm.”
Shen An nodded slightly.
“Alright then… I’ll just say it straight.” Chen Nannan took a deep breath and spoke softly. “I… I think… I like being around you. I don’t know why, but when I’m with you, I feel more at peace and content than with anyone else.”
“But…” She cut to the chase. “Right now… I’m a little scared of being around you.”
“It’s just… I…”
Chen Nannan stammered, trying her best to express her true thoughts in the gentlest way possible.
“Right now… the unease you give me outweighs the sense of security.”
“Like just now—I’m not an idiot, or a vegetable. I know exactly what you’re doing.”
“I… I don’t say anything because I’m afraid you’ll think I’m okay with it.”
“I don’t want to make you sad, but I also don’t want our relationship… to move this fast.”
Chen Nannan steeled herself and blurted out the harshest part. “We need more time. Do you get what I mean?”
“This isn’t a day or two—or even a month or two.”
“And if… I mean if.”
“If we really reach that point… even if you don’t sneak around, I… I’d want to get close to you myself.”
“But… until we do, you… you’re really bothering me.”
Her words came out haltingly, but the core message was clear.
I’m not enjoying this—I’m just going along with you.
Because you like it so much, I’m trying to meet your needs.
But truthfully, I don’t.
Shen An pressed his lips together and fell silent for a moment.
His reaction only made Chen Nannan more anxious. She watched him carefully. “You… didn’t you say you could accept it?”
“Uh…” Shen An snapped back to attention and scratched his head. “Looks like I’ve really been troubling you a lot, Senior Sister.”
“Don’t worry, I can handle it.”
He was straightforward too. “I actually get where you’re coming from, Senior Sister. Completely.”
“In fact, I’m trying to move in the direction you’re talking about.”
“But…”
He shrugged helplessly. “Sometimes I just can’t help it.”
“I can’t help wanting to get close to you, Senior Sister. I can’t help wanting to be intimate with you.”
Chen Nannan murmured, “I’m not saying you can’t. I just… hope that when you do, you… think about how I feel.”
Shen An looked a little downcast but nodded. “I understand.”
“So…”
He mustered a self-consoling smile. “I’ll try to hold back more from now on.”
Phew…
Chen Nannan could see the disappointment on his face.
But some things couldn’t be avoided.
Either she compromised, or he did.
Relationships were forged through these little adjustments.
Though she cared about his feelings, Chen Nannan didn’t want to seem too easy.
She truly despised fast-food romance.
So even with her lingering doubts, she had to stay firm.
This “coldness” was for a better future.
She offered some after-the-fact comfort, patting his cheek and tilting her head with a soft smile. “How about we go grab some food now?”
“Sure.”
